Love beyond normalcy

My mind is blank. I'm only thinking about her; this beautiful child of mine. She sits in my lap, her head lay upon my chest. With one arm I support and hold her close, I run my fingers through her hair and hold her face with my free hand. She smiles.


I wonder if it's because I caressed her face; she feels happy and safe or if it's because she's having a good dream; what's she dreaming about? Maybe it was just a coincidence that I happen to caress her face just as she was hitting the pivotal "happy" moment of her dream. In any case, the instance makes my heart melt. I smile.

I've successfully rocked her to sleep and can just as easily put her in her crib and call it a night. But I am eager to hold on to her just a little longer.

I caress her leg, her foot gives a little twitch before slowly laying crossed the other. How small her feet are, fitting perfectly in my palm. I give them a little squeeze.

I think about how she'll be grown up soon. Questions began to bombard my mind:
• How long before she's too big to sit in my lap?
• How long before she doesn't want me hold her like this or rock her to sleep like this?
It makes me extremely sad and I can't help but quietly tear up. I hold her a little closer, a little tighter.

Her hands are placed exactly as she likes them; one lay on her belly, the other under my chin. I softly grab the hand under my chin. Her itty-bitty fingers grasp my curled index finger and I stoke the back of her hand with my thumb. Her skin is so soft. Her hands are so small.

I'm listening to her breathing, it's like angels whispering the quietest most beautiful secrets a persons never heard. Inhale, exhale; her breaths are soft and quiet. They're much shorter than my own breaths in and out.

As I sit here holding No'elani; listening to her breath, watching her sleep so peacefully, I see how beautifully delicate she is. I realize that these moments, priceless and precious as they may be, are fleeting. I am painstakingly aware that the older she gets the more rare these occasions will be. So, I will not think about losing these moments, instead I will cherish and not take for granted this time I have with her (as a baby).

In this moment I am content, there is absolutely nothing on my mind but the present; and it truly is a GIFT! Have you ever had a moment like that? Where nothing else seems to matter? Where the presence of one person could make your world stop and take away any worry, trial or tribulation you may have been feeling? It's beautiful, amazing, calming, & serene.

Not to sound cliche, but, I wish that I could have this moment for life.


- xo espo

Posted from my iPhone